A vacation? What in the world for?

On www.cancerfightclub.com

August 31 2016
By: Sarah Bi

When my oncologist asked me last autumn whether we had any vacations planned over the holidays, I honestly asked myself: “A vacation? What in the world for?”

I already spend my days, my weeks in the house doing nothing. Yes, of course, I’m taking care of myself, and trying to act like I’m taking care of my son. But to go from that to taking a vacation… well… it honestly would not have occurred to me. And even if it had crossed my mind, I think guilt would have squashed the idea pretty quickly. See, I’m not working. I imagine my employer would love knowing that I’m sprawled out in the sun on disability insurance.

But we’re talking about a health professional’s recommendation here. She is strongly encouraging it. “To get out of the house, to breathe fresh air, to rest, to think about other things, to hold on to hope!” Oh yeah? Seriously? I love this doc!

And anyway, when I think about it, there’s a difference between not working and drinking piña coladas!

And so, with the go ahead from the doc, we decide to do it.

And we do end up going – finally! Finally, yes, because in the meantime I was hospitalized and we cancelled the initial trip we had planned. We waited until my body regained some strength. We tried to find travel insurance, in vain. Insure cancer, haha! Good one! We hesitated about leaving without insurance, especially since the last time, just 2 days before the trip, I found myself in isolation in the emergency room. But, since in life one has to live – which sometimes means taking risks – well, let’s go! And then when you’re feeling well 5 days in a row… and these 5 days are right before you leave… well, you just hope it’ll last another 7 days…

Off we go: my small but serious advanced skin cancer, my love and a group of friends and me, towards the sun of the tropics.

I still can’t get over it.

But what can I say, you have to rest in life. Especially when you’re living with illness. But that took a few days of rest for me to really realize.

And so. Oh yes. The little café latte in the morning on the terrasse of a hotel in Cuba. Oh my god. To enjoy it as lovers. Sometimes, with friends. Without children. Without thinking about making meals. Without thinking about doing dishes. Without thinking about daycare schedules. Without alarm clocks, without a car, without thinking about anything. Except maybe finding shade. Because palm trees, well, they ain’t no shady forest. You have to cover up. And forgetting the parasol in the car in Dorval is a thing that can happen… ;)
But, it’s bliss. Pure. Simple.

I slept so much. So much that I missed all the breakfasts because I got up too late. And outings and excursions were out of the question, it was total rest. Taking walks, salsa dancing with my man to Cuban music, and doing aquafitness in the sea were all that I allowed myself. All in all, enough to tire me out so that I could sleep through another long night, interrupted only by our catching up on – to quote the Cowboys Fringuants :) – “Sous une couette. Tout nus pas d’bobettes.” …

Because let’s not deny that a romantic relationship takes a real hit in day to day life. You have to work not to forget the couple in life in general, but when cancer sets in, it’s even worse. Conversations almost only revolve around the illness, how it’s not going well today, medical appointments and how to live with all this without mortgaging the kid, the couple, the family.

This vacation was necessary. It allowed us to rest physically and mentally; a whole week without medical appointments or calls from the hospital or anything related. It was pure peace, reconnecting as lovers, as friends, as humans, as parents (on vacation without the kid, but still parents).

The dolce vita.
 

Unfortunately (or fortunately, if we are to start again…) everything comes to an end. I don’t know if I should tell you about it. I’m still trying to sell you on taking a vacation here! But I’ll be honest, the return home was painful. It’s always difficult getting back to real life after spending a week in paradise. But it seemed to me that this time the 2 by 4 in the face that was the return to reality hit hard. Really hard. We realized just how exhausted we’d been. And that one week for 3 years of cancer is nowhere near enough. That life resumed its course the moment we got on the bus to head home (the schedule, the wait, the airport, customs, sunburnt neighbours, etc.) Real life!

But the happiness of coming home: my own shower, my bed, and my little guy who jumped up into my arms, so happy to see his parents again. Real life.

And honestly, to convince myself not to leave again to avoid having to suffer too much upon my return – that’s a little silly.

So ok, go, I don’t waste any time and I book another sick leave as soon as possible…

And enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

Enjoy and make the most of the time that’s left.

…But of course, as always, we’ll see at the last minute… if it’s physically possible…